Rough weekend ahead. My last day at Subway is Saturday from 3 to 10/11, and then all weekend I have to figure out what I’m doing with this syllabus, lesson plan, and what I’m going to do about the classes I’m taking. At this point, my tuition waiver still hasn’t gone through, I haven’t heard anything about federal financial aid, and I only took out $8,000 for this school year in loans, which will not cover my tuition and was only meant for emergency money and books. At this point, I have no money for books, school supplies, teaching supplies, and less than $200 in the bank. Thankfully, I get paid tomorrow from Subway, but I’ll have to make that last until I start getting paid by school.

It’s all very stressful, but I know it’ll get sorted out if I’m a big enough bitch to the financial aid office. They love to drag their feet, but if you call them or visit them often enough, they’ll push your stuff through quicker, and get the ball rolling. Sometimes, a woman has to be a bossy bitch to get shit done. If that’s what I have to do, that’s what I have to do.

So far, I have thirteen students in my class, but one of them will have to be removed. I think he’s a native English speaker, so he can’t be in my comp. class. I have someone from Japan now, so I have a big diverse group of people. I love it. Matt’s class is mostly Saudi Arabian and Chinese, with the majority of students in Engineering. I have Medical, Engineering, Criminal Justice, Biology, and a few others. It’ll be interesting to read their research papers about their major. I’m still super nervous, and have been talking to myself and practicing how I’ll start class and do introductions. I’m going to be a mess the first week, I’m sure, but I’m also very excited and I’m seriously looking forward to meeting these students. I just hope I can do a decent job as a teacher.

So…

I put in my two weeks at Subway. My last day’s technically the 25th, but this whole week I had to go to orientation because I was accepted for the TA-ship! I only work this Saturday and, hopefully, I’ll never have to work there again!

As for this school stuff, I’ll begin teaching immediately, starting the 25th. I’m teaching Comp 1 for non-native English speakers, which scares me but at the same time I’m very excited. I have a diverse group of students so far, with some people from Sri Lanka, India, China, Egypt, and other places.

I have my own cubicle, which I actually share with Matt (he’s also teaching the same subject), and I have office hours set and everything. 

This whole week has been orientation, so we’ve both been up at 7:30 and it’s killing us. Luckily, our classes are around 11-12:15, so I won’t be fighting with myself to get out of bed. I’m really nervous about teaching immediately, though, but I’m going to try my best to be a great teacher. My main worry is if I’ll be too harsh or too easy-going. I don’t want to be too rough since they’ll be writing in a language they still are learning, but if I’m too easy, then Comp 2 will destroy them. It’s tricky and I’ll have to learn this all as I go.

I’m a teacher now. I can’t believe I’m saying it. I know, I’m not a professional teacher yet, but I’m teaching my own class. I just can’t believe this would ever happen. It’s seriously a dream come true. I’m feeling like a Disney princess right now. ha ha

So we have the syllabus that we’re going to be teaching by. I’m so nervous. We’re grading papers, giving quizzes, and stuff like that. I really don’t have that much confidence in myself at this point. It’s my first time, though, so I can always improve.

Putting in my two weeks tomorrow. Going to text my manager tomorrow morning since I won’t be working with him. Seriously hoping things work out for the best at this point.

1 Notes

So both my boyfriend and I were accepted into grad school and we both got the teaching assistance position! I’m so excited. I’ll be quitting my current job Monday (putting in my two weeks) and the week before school starts I’ll have to go through orientation.

I’m so nervous and scared, but I’m also excited and happy. I just hope I can do a good job. I don’t want to disappoint everyone, or mess up my chance to be a good teacher.

1 Notes

Finally submitted my grad school application. Hopefully I get it. I can’t wait to get out of my current job right now. 

Pretty much finished the application for Grad School. I have a few more questions, but Matt is going to meet with an adviser tomorrow and will hopefully figure out the last few steps. I’m excited and nervous at the same time. I’m scared that I won’t get in, or that I won’t become a TA. I don’t want to work at Subway anymore, especially since they tried to scam me out of my overtime pay that I earned this week. As soon as I get the notice that I’m hired at school, I’m putting in my two weeks and getting out of there. That’s that. I don’t mind staying there; I like the people (mostly), the customers are all generally nice and laid-back, and now that I’m working full-time, the pay is getting better. But I can’t believe how far they went to keep me from earning three hours of overtime.

My manager asked me, to my face, if I would be okay moving four hours of this week’s shifts to last weeks. It took me a minute, but I realized they were trying to make it appear like I hadn’t worked 43 hours this week, that I only worked 38/39 and then they wouldn’t have to pay me for overtime. I told him flat out “no” and he spent the rest of the day on his phone texting his boss about what to do. I was furious. I only make $7.95 and hour; a few extra bucks of overtime will not bankrupt this damn company. I don’t even understand what he was thinking. Did he think I’d just roll over and say “Yeah, sure, rip me off. NBD”? Does he really think I’m that stupid? I’m a pretty big pushover at work. I’ll work extra shifts when others don’t want to because I need the money, and I’m always taking on the shit shifts that no one likes, but don’t fucking steal the money I earned right in front of my face and act like I won’t say or do anything.

I’m not the only one, either. A few co-workers are looking for other jobs, too. They’re sick of the way they’re treated as well, and I can’t blame them. Maybe if they didn’t view workers as cheap, disposable labor, they’d have workers who were more faithful to the company, but that’s capitalism for ya.

Whatever. I’m working tomorrow (not my shift technically) through Saturday, then Monday and Tuesday. I’ll keep on working and saving up every punch in/out ticket I get to make sure they’re not fucking with me. If I discover they’ve ripped me off, they will be sorry. 

I have decided to grow my hair out, too. I’m going to force myself through that awkward middle phase where I’ll look like I couldn’t decide between a bob and a mullet, so I picked both. Ugh… I wish I could wear wigs all day. Seriously.

At least I’m getting a ton of hours at work. At this point, I have more hours than my manager. Imagine that. The only downside is now they’re being extra hard on me and making sure I clock out on time. God forbid I make that extra, what, dollar? Two dollars? of overtime. 

Whatever. It’s helping pay the bills, and if I do get a TA-ship at UT, I can quit working there and be able to dress comfortably for work again. Maybe start growing my hair out and painting my nails all cute like I used to do. That will be nice.

Tomorrow/today’s my brother’s birthday. He’s 17. My mom wanted him home today so she can celebrate, but he was being such an ass to her over the phone, saying she shouldn’t bother with a cake and he was just going to be there to watch a movie or something. Every day he is becoming more and more like our father, and it makes me physically ill. I took care of him when he was younger, when our dad left to go fuck his girlfriend and buy things for her kids. He experienced the same kinds of things I did, but somehow doesn’t understand why I have no interest in talking to our dad ever again. And he just victimizes his father, like the whole world is out to get this one, lonely, old man.

If he doesn’t show up tomorrow for the cake and to at least spend a few minutes with our mom, then I’m through with him. He’s acting too much like my dad for me to ignore it anymore. I don’t forgive people, either. Usually, once you mess up with me (it has to be something really, really, serious), you have no second chance. You are out of my life forever.

I don’t want that to happen to my brother and me, but his attitude has only gotten worse and I won’t deal with his drama and his bullshit anymore.

I feel like I should go to bed, but I’m in one of those moody moments where I feel like if I sleep, I’ll be wasting my time…?

It’s weird and complicated. Tomorrow, though, I’ll go watch a movie with Matt and maybe have time to head up to UT and revise my Statement of Purpose and my resume. I really need to focus on getting this grad school thing going. Ugh…

Feeling worse and worse about everything everyday. I’m trying to focus on my grad school application, but with my family falling apart around me, it’s difficult. Plus I’m working full time, so there’s even less time for me to focus on anything that isn’t work and self-doubt.